If you haven’t seen the recent paintings by the artist formerly known as President George W. Bush, you can find them collected in a new book called “Portraits of Courage: A Commander in Chief’s Tribute to America’s Warriors.” . . . If the notion of Mr. Bush as a portrait painter is one your brain has trouble accommodating, you are not alone.
Karl Rove: Celebrity Chef
The former senior adviser to President George W. Bush is releasing a cookbook called “Rove on the Stove.” These dishes are fun, fresh, salty, spicy, and, for your cheat days (wink), some are even sweet. You’ll read all about what made him exclaim, “Delicious!,” at the Rove Grove after each long day of unlawfully dismissing U.S. attorneys. One of the tastiest dishes, the Lean, Mean, Green-Bean Casserole, will melt in your mouth as quickly as Rove leaked the identity of C.I.A. officer Valerie Plame. Mm-mmm, tastes like home.
John Ashcroft: Tap Dancer Extraordinaire
Ashcroft, primarily known until now as the Attorney General under Bush who advocated for torture and the wrongful detention of American citizens, is putting on the old soft shoe and tap dancing all over our hearts. We’ll get to cheer Ashcroft on as he takes to the stage in a local production of “Singin’ in the Rain,” disappearing into the role of Cosmo, who famously never proposed an intelligence-gathering program during the War on Terror similar to one used by the K.G.B. A one, a two, a three, go Ashcroft!
Donald Rumsfeld: Pleasant Vegetable Gardener
Rumsfeld? More like Green Thumbsfeld! This guy, otherwise known as the Secretary of Defense during the Bush Administration, pulled out the old shovel and hoe and planted his own vegetable garden. His straight-to-VHS guide, “In the Rumsfield,” will help you gardeners out there grow fresh veggies, fragrant herbs, and beautiful flowers—even indoors! Now, when you hear the name Rumsfeld, you’ll think “the gardener” and not “the guy who supported violent human-rights-violating interrogation techniques.”
Alberto Gonzales: Improv Comedian
The successor to Ashcroft, former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has taken off his thinking cap to engage in a new craft: improv comedy! Say “yes, and” to Gonzales, whom you can see every Wednesday night at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre on his Harold team, Attorney’s Journey. When he’s in the moment and out of his head, you can watch him transform from a “guy spying on American citizens and encouraging torture” to characters like Jack, a bus driver who’s used to driving on the other side of the road, or Detective Mason, who’s going to solve the Case of the Missing Paper Clip by the end of the set.
Dick Cheney: Hunter
We asked him not to do this again.